All The Religious Lightbulb Jokes We Can Find

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.



Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None. Atheists don't believe in light bulbs.
A2: One. But they are still in darkness.



Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.



Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.



Q:How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:10. One to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how much they like the old one.



Q:How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
A1:Well, it should require about five committees to review the idea first. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what ... 30?



Q:How many members of the Church of Christ does it take to change a light bulb?
A:5. One to change the bulb, 4 to serve refreshments.



Q:How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!




Q:How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A1:10. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2000, four to raise the necessary funds, one to go find a national to do the job!
A2. One, and thirty natives to see the light.



Q. How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three, but they're really one.



Q. How many Quakers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Ten to sit around in a circle until one feels the inner light.



Q. How many Hare Krishnas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Ten, one to do it and the rest to dance around, play the tambourine, chant, and sing.



Q. How many fundamentalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. THE BIBLE DOES *NOT* SAY *ANYTHING* ABOUT LIGHT BULBS!!!!



Q. How many agnostics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. Agnostics question whether light bulbs really exist.



Q. How many Zen Buddhists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, one to screw it in and one not to screw it in.


Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One, since his hands are in the air anyway.

Q: How many evangelicals does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Evangelicals do not change lightbulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the lightbulb will decide to change itself.

Q: How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But they are still in darkness.

Q: How many Brethren does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Change?????

Q: How many Pentecostals does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Q: How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

Q: How many independent Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, any more than that would be considered ecumenical.

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Southern Baptists:

A: One hundred and nine.
Seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the twelve on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the fifteen on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the eighteen-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the twenty-seven Member church Board, who appoint another twelve-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the twenty-three-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more lightbulb has burned out.